


Reasons Virgil Hates Janus

by cloakoflevitation



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: A Touch of Misunderstandings, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Hijinks & Shenanigans, No Beta – I'm Fairly Local, Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), Soft feelings, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, honestly I didn't mean to write this but here we are, some banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25302430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloakoflevitation/pseuds/cloakoflevitation
Summary: What it says on the tin except Virgil does in factnothate Janus. So the "reasons" are all dumb. And the characters are just sharing a bit of shenanigans and tomfoolery and fluffy moments.I didn't mean to write this but I was having writer's block (aka procrastinating finishing longer wips) and so this fic was born.***Warnings: Swearing
Comments: 16
Kudos: 117





	Reasons Virgil Hates Janus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kiwicryptid23](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwicryptid23/gifts).



> From the bottom of my heart, I want y'all to know that I appreciate comments so so _so_ much and that's why I gift works to people. I try my best to match up who I gift something to based on the other fics they commented on so it's something they actually like... that being said, I really didn't know if this would be something you'd like @Kiwicryptid23 but I wanted to gift you something anyway so... I hope you enjoy! <3

“Why do you hate Janus so much?”

It’s a simple question, or at least, Patton thinks so anyway. But apparently Virgil disagrees, because his face scrunches up when Roman asks it. He looks frustrated and exasperated and a tiny bit amused, and Patton has no idea what to make of that.

“Why do you hate Remus so much?” Virgil shoots back, and Patton can practically taste Roman’s outrage.

“That’s –”

“Now kiddos,” he cuts in, hopefully cutting off the argument before it starts. “Let’s stay on task here.”

Logan takes up the baton and quickly adds, “Thomas’s schedule is of upmost importance. It would be beneficial if we could put off other topics until this has been resolved.”

Virgil relaxes slightly, even if Roman is still glowering at him.

A quiet voice, one that Patton can’t quite name, not yet, whispers in the back of his mind about self-care and repression, so he makes himself a note to talk to Virgil later.

*

He waits until Virgil is playing video games. He’s learned it’s easier to get Virgil to open up and talk when his mind is distracted by other things. So while Virgil plays, Patton carefully sits next to him on the sofa. Close, but not touching. Virgil mumbles something that Patton takes as a greeting because he can’t make out the words.

“Whatcha playing?”

Virgil doesn’t look away from the screen. “Minecraft.”

Patton hums a little noise, letting Virgil know he heard. He doesn’t say anything else, not for a while, letting Virgil get used to his presence, letting himself think about what he wants to say. This is important, and he doesn’t want to make Virgil upset and risk him not listening.

“It’s okay to have feelings,” he finally says, because that seems like the best place to start.

“I guess you’d know, that being your department and all.”

Patton thinks it’s somewhat Virgil’s department too, being Anxiety, but he doesn’t say that. Feelings are a bit of a touchy subject with Virgil, with everyone truth be told. So he continues, “Feelings are complicated. They’re messy and big and _beautiful_ …” He feels himself get off topic a little and diverts course. “They’re unpredictable at times, but they’re valid. The things you feel are valid. You know that, right?”

“Oh, I didn’t realize we were talking about me.” It’s meant to be a joke, or Patton thinks so, but when Virgil glances at him from the side of his eyes, he must see something in Patton’s expression, because he pauses his game and fully turns to face him. “Wait. _Is_ this about me?”

Patton winces internally, because he can already see the guarded expression settling over Virgil’s face. Avoiding the question, he says, “I noticed a lot of feelings coming from you, earlier.”

Virgil’s eyes narrow. “When?”

He hesitates but can’t figure out a good way to not answer. “When Roman asked about Janus.”

Virgil shifts backwards, away from Patton. His eyes flick back and forth between Patton’s own, as if waiting for an attack, and he hisses, “Stay out of my feelings.”

Patton tries not to take it personally. “You know I can’t help it,” he quietly says, waving an arm in a useless gesture. “I just… feel stuff. When you guys feel stuff.”

Virgil watches him for a few more tense seconds before visibly letting the tension fall from his shoulders. He sighs and rubs a hand across his face. “I know,” he whispers, almost so low Patton doesn’t hear it. He’s quiet for a moment longer before he admits, not looking at Patton, “It’s complicated.”

Unsure what to say, Patton hums a noise that could be taken for agreement.

“I’ve… I’ve known him a lot longer than I’ve known you guys.”

Suddenly realizing they’re talking about Janus again, Patton’s mouth forms a silent _oh._ His mind burns with curiosity, but he won’t risk asking for details that Virgil isn’t willing to share. Still, he can’t help but wonder about the time Virgil is talking about, before he joined them, all the memories, all the moments, all the secrets.

Sadness and anger and regret and more swirl around Virgil, and Patton tries to ignore the feelings, knowing Virgil doesn’t want him to know what he’s feeling. He says, “I’m not trying to force you to like him, you know?”

Virgil’s head jerks up, something startled in his expression, and Patton thinks maybe Virgil _didn’t_ know.

“As much as I’d love for us all to be best friends all the time,” he cracks a wry smile, “I know we’re different. I don’t expect everyone to like each other or even get along all the time, even if I wish we did.” Virgil grimaces, and Patton, worried he sounded too accusing, adds, “There are things I don’t know. Not just about you, but Remus and Janus too. There are things you don’t know about me and Logan and Roman. And there’s things Roman doesn’t know about Logan, about me. We all have our secrets, our inside jokes, our _mistakes._ ” He stops himself and takes a deep breath. He’s not sure where he’s going with this anymore. “All I’m trying to say,” he starts again, “is let yourself feel your feelings. And confront the ones that need to be confronted. Okay?”

Virgil is frowning again, and Patton starts to think perhaps this whole conversation was a mistake.

He takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes. He shoves his glasses back on. “Look.” He sighs and makes himself use a kinder tone. After all, it’s not Virgil that he’s frustrated with. “I just… I don’t want you to repress anything.”

At the word _repress,_ Virgil’s expression softens into something that feels too close to sympathy. “Yeah, I get it.” He offers a tentative smile that makes Patton feel slightly better. “But I’m okay, really.”

“Okay.” Patton stands up, more than ready to be done with this disaster of a conversation. What he needs is a good nap under his Olaf blanket with The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh playing in the background.

“Hey Pat?”

He freezes, looking over his shoulder at Virgil.

“If I… if I need someone to talk to…” Virgil seems to have trouble saying it while making eye contact with him, so Patton politely inspects one of the friendship bracelets on his wrist. “You’ll be the first to know,” Virgil finishes quietly, and something warm and soft and _happy_ blooms in Patton’s chest.

When he smiles, wide and bright, Virgil rolls his eyes, a grin pulling at his lips, and Patton decides the awkwardness and fumbling in the conversation had been worth it.

*

“All I’m saying –”

“Why won’t you listen to me? We don’t need him!”

Logan frowns, clearly irritated that Virgil had cut him off. He gives Virgil a glare and pointedly finishes, _“All I’m saying_ is that Janus would be useful when we discuss this issue with Thomas during the next video.”

“And all _I’m_ fucking saying –”

“Language,” Roman murmurs, apparently loud enough for Virgil to hear, because Virgil cuts himself off and rounds on him, eyes blazing.

_“I’ll show you language, you little –”_

“That’s quite enough, don’t you think?” Janus drawls, flicking his fingers so that Virgil’s hand comes up to cover his mouth.

There is a very awkward moment of silence as they all stare at each other, unsure of who is going to say something first. Finally, Roman grumbles sarcastically, “Who’s next? Remus?”

Logan shakes his head. “Statistically speaking, if Janus is in a video, Remus is no more likely to appear than if Janus were not. Although, admittedly, the sample size is rather…” He trails off as Remus appears directly behind Roman, chewing… _something._

Roman sighs heavily. “He’s behind me, isn’t he.”

“Yep! And I’m _so_ gonna be in the next video now. Just for you.”

Roman turns around to face Remus and holds his arms out at his side in a gesture of invitation. “Just kill me already.” Remus tackles him, but before they hit the ground, they disappear to somewhere else in the Mindscape.

“Was Remus… was that… bubble gum?” Patton asks hesitantly, not really wanting to know the answer, but unable to stop himself from asking the question anyway.

“No,” Virgil sighs, and Patton is pleased to hear that he can speak again. “Tar.”

“Tar,” Patton repeats dumbly, because there isn’t anything else that he can say. “Right.”

“Janus,” Logan addresses the side in question, his tone clipped and blunt, and Patton can already see the train wreck they’re headed for even if he can’t do anything to stop it. “I am going to need you and Virgil to resolve whatever issues you so clearly have with each other, if not for your own sanity, then for the sanity of everyone else.” His words are coming faster and sharper, and Patton thinks the growing smirk on Janus’s face can’t mean anything good. “It is utterly ridiculous that you two cannot appear in the same video together without extensive convincing beforehand. How you _ever_ expect to do your jobs –”

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Virgil cuts in, but it’s Janus that ultimately speaks over both of the other two.

 _“Please_ continue to tell me how to do my job, Logic.” He spits the title like it’s an insult, the good humor fading from his expression. “You do such a _fantastic_ job at your own, I would be _honored_ and _grateful_ to be given instruction by you. _Please_ tell me more about things you _clearly_ know _so much_ about.”

Logan opens his mouth and shuts it. Looks from Janus to Virgil. Frowns.

Virgil shakes his head. “Don’t look at me. _You_ are the one that wanted him here.”

“I wanted him in the _video,”_ Logan corrects stiffly.

Seeing that the conversation isn’t going to return to something productive, Patton finally decides to speak up. “Alright, I think maybe we should all go do our own things for a while and let ourselves calm down a little. We can talk about stuff after we’ve had a break.”

Janus turns to glare at him, and Patton shrinks back slightly. “Unlike these other adolescents, I am not a child you can order around.”

Virgil reaches out and hits Janus’s shoulder. (Violence is never the answer, and Patton makes a mental note to remind Virgil of this later.) “Hey asshole. Logan stepped on your toes, so you get to bite him. But back the fuck off Patton.”

Janus makes a face at Virgil before turning to Patton. He pulls his hat off his head, clutches it to his chest, and gives a sweeping bow. “My _deepest_ apologies.” Then he disappears.

Logan pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs loudly. He then grouches to Virgil, “I can understand why you hate him.”

Virgil crosses his arms, still upset with Logan. “No,” he disagrees petulantly, “You really can’t.”

*

When they’ve calmed down again, they reconvene in the living room. Roman has gone to get Remus and Janus, leaving Patton waiting with Virgil and Logan.

“Why _do_ you hate Janus?” Logan asks cautiously, watching Virgil like the other side might snap at him.

Patton holds his breath, hoping Logan hasn’t just set off a repeat of their earlier conversation.

When Virgil doesn’t respond after a moment, Logan explains, “I have been considering this. There was a time in which I was not present, and I surmise Janus must have said or done something, or perhaps many things, to make you dislike him with the intensity that you do.”

No response. Virgil keeps staring at Logan, expressionless.

“If he has truly done something hurtful, it would be beneficial for us to know so that we can be prepared should Janus attempt to do the same thing to ourselves.”

Patton blinks. He hadn’t thought of that. He can’t truly see Janus doing something really bad, but… if he did… it would be better to know and be prepared than to not see it coming at all.

With his face carefully neutral, still staring at Logan, Virgil finally asks, “You really want to know?”

Logan nods.

“He steals my jacket.”

Patton’s mind blue-screens. Is he missing something? Is it a metaphor? Is Virgil really _that_ attached to his jacket?

Virgil, however, is not done. “And he steals my t-shirts. He never knocks before he comes into my room. He called me stupid nicknames the _whole_ time we were kids. He uses my sharpies. And my favorite eyeliner, which he _still_ hasn’t returned.”

Remus appears, although Virgil doesn’t pay him any attention.

“He wears that _stupid_ cape. And he acts like he’s smarter than everyone else. He wouldn’t know a good song if it hit him in the face. And he thinks sarcasm and edginess is an entire personality.”

Logan coughs in a way that sounds suspiciously pointed, and even Patton himself is smiling with amusement at the irony of Virgil’s last complaint.

“What’s this?” Remus asks, drinking something that is a horribly toxic-looking shade of green out of what appears to be an oil lamp. No one says anything about it. They’re all used to it now.

“Reasons I hate Janus.”

Remus grins in a most unsettling way. “Don’t forget the time he convinced you chocolate milk came from brown cows and regular milk came from white cows. Talk about racist.”

Logan makes a noise and starts to say something about, “That’s not what racism is,” but Virgil bristles and nods emphatically along with Remus’s words.

“I forgot about that! And! When he told us that dogs and cats grow from seeds in the ground like plants do?”

“Or when he made us think Patton was a ghost? For like a month?” Remus seems more amused by the second.

Virgil only seems more outraged, as if remembering these things for the first time in a while. “Remember the time he convinced us that the moon isn’t real?”

“The moon _isn’t_ real,” Janus intones with exasperation, acting as though he’s speaking to young children.

The others turn, surprised, to see Roman and Janus have arrived.

Roman tentatively waves a hand at Patton. He smiles nervously. “We just got here and I’m not sure what’s going on…”

Remus, Virgil, and Janus all chorus at the same time:

“–reasons Virgil hates Janus –”

“–reasons I hate Janus –”

“–reasons Virgil hates me –”

Roman clicks his tongue. “…Right.”

“Actually…” Logan says slowly, his face scrunched up in thought. “Maybe that _is_ racism.” He blinks and then looks up at Remus. “Are you implying one type of milk is superior over the other?”

“Logan…” Virgil shakes his head, making a face that Patton can’t quite name. “Forget the cows, okay? It’s not racism. It’s really not.”

“Racism is a serious issue in today’s society, particularly in American society.” Janus crosses his arms. “Imagine the world we would live in if people spent even half as much time addressing problems in governmental systems, social norms, and their own personal biases as we spend standing around arguing about nothing.”

Logan frowns. “Your sarcasm is noted and not appreciated. We are, in fact, having a disagreement over whose presence is necessary in the next video. That is a real and important issue for us to resolve.”

Patton knows they’re talking about important things and he should be paying attention and contributing but the only thing he can seem to think is, “Y’all thought I was a ghost?”

Janus laughs and laughs.

*

In the end, all six of them appear in the video. It goes better than Patton expects, better than can be expected considering the circumstances. (They only have two meltdowns and one shouting match. But they worked through the issue the video centered around, so Patton counts it as a win. Perhaps they even learned something.)

Back in the living room of the Mindscape, Logan and Virgil are arguing with Roman over some of the details of the argument from the video (as if they didn’t talk the issue to death already). Janus keeps trying to point out that the video is over and it doesn’t really matter anymore and they’ve already run through everything that is being said, but he’s largely ignored. Remus is eventually drawn into the argument, surprisingly joining Roman’s side, despite having had a different opinion during the video. Patton thinks it’s just because he wants to keep the argument going.

Every time one of the others tries to draw him into the fray, Patton carefully doesn’t say anything, not wanting to step in to break things up unless he’s forced. Truth be told, the video has exhausted him, and he feels himself slipping ever closer to blissful unconsciousness the longer he sits slumped over on the sofa.

Remus summons a bowl of something that looks like bits of glass or crystal and it crunches loudly when he eats it, still shouting things as he sits on the floor. Roman paces, stepping around Remus, shaking off his brother’s hands when he tries to trip him, and makes wide sweeping gestures as he argues. Logan had originally been standing across from Roman, facing him, but after he started pacing, Logan collapses into an armchair in a way that makes Patton suspect he’s also tired from the video.

After a while, Virgil seems to grow weary of the arguing, because he stops adding comments. Eventually, he wanders over to the sofa next to Patton and half-sits half-lays across the unoccupied space.

“Okay?” Patton asks gently, quietly.

Virgil pulls his hood up over his face and grumbles, “Will they ever stop?”

Patton politely does not mention that up until now, Virgil had been involved in the argument. Instead, he pat Virgil’s shoulder and pulls a blanket down from over the back of the sofa. He hands it to Virgil, who unfolds it and puts it over his legs.

Logan calls Virgil’s name and then looks around to see him on the sofa. His face pinches with frustration and tinges of betrayal but smooths back out when Janus interjects, defending something that Logan had said. Janus drops to sit on the arm of Logan’s armchair and easily rebuffs whatever Remus had originally argued, despite his earlier protests about the video being done and over with.

Their voices are loud, but familiar, and now that Virgil has joined him on the sofa, the warmth he provides helps the argument fade into background noise in Patton’s mind. He’s watching Roman’s movements until suddenly he’s not, and he can feel himself falling asleep but not quite there yet, unable to do anything to stop himself from being pulled under.

The light in the room dims, making Patton’s eyes flutter open. There’s shushing noises and hissed whispers and faint sounds of movement. A blanket is settled over him and tucked around him, and he sleepily mumbles, “Love you, kiddo.”

There’s a chorus of quiet goodnights and affections and a stifled something that was probably Remus or Roman starting to yell something, only to be quieted by Janus.

He feels his glasses slip from his face, and Virgil whispers, “Love you too.”

*

It’s two in the afternoon when Roman asks Patton if he wants to color. Roman always conjures the best coloring books and art supplies, so Patton easily accepts. They sit at the table, idly chatting and coloring while Logan does a sudoku puzzle next to them.

Remus suddenly comes flying into the kitchen, slipping on the tile in his socks, holding something aloft in his hand. He’s laughing, eyes wide and a bit frantic, clearly up to something. He opens the oven door and shuts it, opens the cabinets and shuts those. Opens the fridge. Eventually he gets into the bread that is sitting on the counter and then leaves just as quickly as he had come.

Logan and Patton share curious glances. Roman resolutely announces that he does _not_ want to know anything about his brother’s shenanigans, thank you very much.

Janus appears next. He’s laughing to himself, looking like the cat that caught the canary. He takes a seat at the table, and Patton hesitantly offers a greeting while Logan and Roman watch him from the corner of their eyes.

A few moments later, it becomes evident what Remus was doing and what Janus is waiting for. Virgil marches in, looking ready to burn the house down, and demands, “Where is my phone?”

Janus looks far too pleased and shrugs. “You know I didn’t take it.”

Virgil narrows his eyes. “I know you know what he did with it.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have taken his stuff yesterday.”

“Don’t talk to me about my past crimes.” Virgil’s expression darkens, and he looks quite childish, especially with his hair sticking up the way that it is. Patton realizes belatedly Virgil has just woken up. “Besides, he stole my Green Day shirt first.”

Janus rolls his eyes. “Regardless, I _don’t_ know where your phone is. You’ll have to talk to Remus.”

“Fuck you.”

“Language,” Roman chimes, and Patton is starting to wish that they had never seen a single marvel movie.

Virgil turns his glare from Janus to Roman and accuses, _“You_ swear nearly as much as me!”

“Yeah but Patton is _right there,”_ Roman answers with a pointed look in Patton’s direction.

Before Patton can say anything, Logan frowns and asks Roman slowly, “Does Patton not know any swear words?”

Roman and Janus erupt into giggles, and Virgil throws his hands up in the air. “If Remus put my phone in the microwave and someone accidentally microwaves it again…” He then turns and stalks off, presumably to find Remus and turn his wrath upon him.

Remus inexplicably suddenly crawls out from one of the bottom kitchen cabinets, next to the oven. Once he removes all his limbs from the cabinet, he lays sprawled out on the tile floor and cackles.

“Priceless,” Janus comments.

It’s only because Virgil isn’t present that Patton lets himself giggle behind his hand.

Once Remus calms down, he joins the others at the table.

“Did you… is his phone in the _bread?”_ Logan asks after a minute.

Remus grins widely. “Yep!”

“HA!” Virgil shrieks, popping up from behind the couch, startling Roman, who mumbles, distressed, “Where are you and Remus coming from?”

Virgil runs over to the kitchen counter, followed closely by Remus, but Virgil ultimately pulls his phone out from between the slices of bread. He stuffs his phone in his pocket, giving Remus a mean look.

Remus crosses his arms. “You deserved it.”

“Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.”

“Kinky!”

“Ugh! I hate you!” Virgil turns to Janus. “And you! Don’t think I’ve forgotten whose side you chose! I hate you too!” He walks back upstairs, grumbling to himself as he goes.

“I hate you too!” Janus calls.

Remus starts to follow him upstairs and high-fives Janus as he walks by. “Thanks, J. You’re the worst.” He winks when he says it, and then he runs up the stairs.

Janus leans back in his chair and sighs with satisfaction. One moment he’s sitting there, and the next moment he’s gone.

“We need to put a bell on them,” Roman grumbles. “I hate when they just appear and disappear like that.”

“I doubt they would submit to wearing a bell,” Logan answers. Roman rolls his eyes, and Patton smiles fondly at Logan. He’s a dork, but he’s _their_ dork.

Roman curiously asks, “Do you think Remus called Janus ‘the worst’ because Janus is Deceit and he talks like that or because Remus is Remus and he’s just like that?”

Logan looks thoughtful. “It could be both. But most likely it’s because Janus is Deceit.” He conjures a notebook and opens it several pages past the beginning. There’s writing scrawled across both sides of the pages in blue ink, and he quickly writes something else before shutting the notebook and letting it disappear. “It requires further investigation.”

Something feels familiar and perhaps important about what they’re talking about. The more he thinks on it, the more the pieces seem to fall into place, and eventually Patton thinks he understands why Virgil _hates_ Janus.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a hard time writing Patton because he's one of the characters I relate to less. I've noticed I usually write from Virgil's pov or write about things surrounding him (probably because when I get stuck, I think, what would my crippling anxiety make me do in this situation lolol so he's easy to write) so I wrote from Patton's pov this time. Obviously the story still kinda centered around Virgil tho... But progress!
> 
> If anyone would like to read something about Patton, please feel free to ask for something! I have several long wips I'm working on (aka I'm drafting them extensively only in my mind) and I'd love to write something a little shorter like this fic.
> 
> I can't promise I'll have the inspiration to write something if you ask for it, but I truly am open to scene/dialogue/dynamic suggestions. I'm on here obviously, but I'm also [@doctor-gloom](https://doctor-gloom.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Thanks for reading <3
> 
> [What is the tense in this fic?? Normally I write past tense stuff but I didn’t notice this was present until halfway through or so and then changing it made it sound weird. But yeah idk what was going on with the tense there.]
> 
> [I have 3 siblings, and I have hidden their phones both in the oven and inbetween slices of bread, among other odd places.]


End file.
